hey endo, you’re not fun

I got my endometriosis diagnosis 5 months ago when I had my first emergency surgery. It was something I had suspected for a few years, but I really hadn’t pursued a diagnosis. I didn’t consider how much it could impact my daily life.

I am currently at the beginning of my journey with endometriosis.

It hasn’t been fun.

In the span of 4 months, I had 2 different emergency surgeries, 7 ER visits, and 5 different masses (1 of which I still have). God has been incredibly good to me with the doctor He provided for me. She was able to immediately diagnose my endometriosis and has been advocating for me well.

At the same time, insurance has twice now denied the short-term solution that I was given. Long-term there is no plan for me yet.

I definitely questioned God’s thought process behind this. If I was going to have a good attitude about it, shouldn’t it at least be something with a solution? And if the solution on the table wasn’t for long-term, shouldn’t He at least let the temporary one work out?

God is definitely using endometriosis to humble me. I realize daily another area that I am trying to bargain with God over. By now I am starting to realize that God might just be trying to get it through my head that I’m not the one in control. I have a bad feeling I might be learning this for the rest of my life. But I am grateful that God’s grace and patience don’t run out. As often as I challenge Him and push with my stubbornness, He is still there.

Some days I think I have a pretty good attitude about the sudden changes in my life and body. Some days not so much…

My endometriosis is evidence of God’s goodness in my life, even if I don’t feel it. I may not see the full picture yet, but I have seen God’s character. Who He is, is dependable. Who He is, is faithful. Who He is, is loving. If this is something He is calling me to walk through, then I know there is good in this for me.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” - Jeremiah 29:11