make it right

I firmly believe that as image bearers of God we are called to interact with others in a way that honors and glorifies our Father. Proceeding, I am going to assume we can all agree regarding that prerequisite.

One of the most uncomfortable conversations we can have is what to do when you wrong someone. Most of us are comfortable being the one wronged, but few of us are willing to acknowledge our responsibility in the other role.

Just because your sin caused another person harm does not place you beyond the grace of God.

Because your sin caused another person harm, you ARE called to repent and pursue restoration.

Restoration does not equal a return to the same relationship with the person that was harmed. I will say that in most cases, especially when repentance and restoration are pursued immediately, this is possible, but when it comes to much larger and traumatic situations, there may be no way to ever restore what previously existed this side of heaven.

Even though you can’t undo it and go back to how it was, does not release you from the responsibility to attempt to make things right.

When we are responsible for someone else’s harm, it is not their responsibility to fix things, it is ours.

Sin shouldn’t feel comfortable or okay by us. When we are confronted by the cost that our choices have had on another, especially someone we love, it can be tremendously difficult to acknowledge.

The first step we can take toward healing for all is being willing to acknowledge what we did.

If we are safe and secure in God’s everlasting forgiveness and grace, we don’t need to cling to our own self-righteousness and minimize or dismiss the suffering we have caused someone else. In fact, we should be all the quicker to do so, recognizing that a lack of doing so will continue to cause harm to the one wronged. Not only that, but choosing to hold onto our self-righteousness puts a wall (on our side only) between us and God.

The first step is universally clear: repent.

Repent to God.

Repent to the one you’ve wronged.

From there can be more situationally specific to navigate.

If you have been willing to apologize, that opens the door to ask the one wronged what they now need. Yes, we’ve already discussed that it isn’t their responsibility to fix what you broke, but giving them a voice and acknowledging their needs is an appropriate second step after apologizing.

The answer that you get may not be what you want to hear.

We don’t get to dictate what someone else needs or what their timeline for healing is when we are the one who wronged them.

Before you think I’m preaching at you, I’ve had to walk through this myself. There was someone who was one of the most important people to me, who I caused significant pain to.

There are a couple truths to note here:

Some people will cause significant damage unintentionally.

Some people will cause significant damage intentionally.

Both still require pursuing healing. And if wrong was done, both still require apologizing.

In this specific case, the damage I caused was unintentional. That doesn’t minimize the impact it had on the individual. That doesn’t let me off the hook for owning what I did.

In pursuing apologizing, the route for healing the individual asked for was going no-contact. It hurt to feel as though I would never be able to prove to them that I had changed or that I didn’t mean to cause them that suffering in the first place. It hurt to recognize that I could cause someone that kind of pain.

None of what it felt like for me gave me a right or excuse to deny what she needed for healing.

Yes, it mattered to God, of course. And I had support from community who knows the present me and were able to talk through the situation with me. But just because I didn’t like how I felt didn’t give me any right to continue to withhold from them what they need in order to reach more peace.

Human consequences from sin do come with costs. We don’t get to avoid what we have done and in this world we will sometimes feel the impact of choices we have made for a very long time. The hope in this is that the more depraved we recognize ourselves to be, the more power we can understand God has that His righteousness and redemption truly do cover all our sins.

Yes, it is uncomfortable to acknowledge the weight of our sins, but we don’t need to stay held in the shame of them because of the goodness of God. On this earth we may stay held by the consequences of them, but we can rest assured that while not deserving it in the slightest, we are loved unconditionally by the One who sees all our flaws and brokenness and doesn’t run away.