Who do you want to be?

I remember the friend who talked about how she liked spending time by herself. I was genuinely so confused. Then she further baffled me by saying how she liked herself. This was all in a season where I had been constantly changing for other’s approval, and in doing so really didn’t like the person I was.

The impact she had on me was tremendous. I thought about that conversation so often.

I started to think about who I wanted to be. Who did I feel God called me to be? What gifts and passions did He give me? Do I even like the person I am?

Somewhere around this time I started working out in the gym as well. At first I would only go on the treadmill, because that was all I knew how to do. I hated it, and therefore lacked a lot of motivation to go to the gym, but I didn’t think I could be one of those strong gym girls. That wasn’t who I saw myself as, and so I was living within the boundaries of what I believed I could do.

Eventually there was a day where I realized, if I wanted to be strong, I could, but I needed to start somewhere then.

A combination of my perfectionistic tendencies and the limits I viewed myself through were dictating the things I was willing to try and how I was living.

The more I realized those things weren’t who I wanted to be, the more I realized I was going to need to make choices to change who I was.

I strongly believe that if you don’t like who you are, you are probably not living as the person God created you to be.

He designed you with purpose.

He designed you with gifts.

He designed you with intentionality.

He designed you with plans for your future.

Now there is a distinct difference between being displeased with your circumstances and needing to adjust your mindset, and not liking the person you are because of how you are choosing to live.

Growth is uncomfortable. I personally hate, and I mean HATE, doing things that I’m not perfect at. As you can imagine, that has unfortunately been a very unavoidable thing. Not only is it unavoidable, because of the person I want to be it’s been necessary.

Gut reaction I still don’t feel like trying new things. It is an intentional conversation I have with myself to remind myself I want to be someone who tries, even without being perfect at it. I regularly need to remind myself who I want to be when I make a mistake. I regularly need to remind myself who I want to be when I think I am right. I regularly need to remind myself who I want to be when I feel judged. I regularly need to remind myself who I want to be when I show up at work.

The way we think and what we choose to think about will have a direct impact on how we live. Your life is going to happen whether or not you choose to participate in it fully. At the end of the day, however, who you will be is not a given. Who you want to be is a combination of all the little choices you make throughout your day. Who you want to be is how you choose to respond when things are hard.

If you don’t like who you are, you aren’t stuck there. God has called you to more. He has called you to life to the fullest. He has called you to relationship with Him that radically changes you from the inside out. He has called you to tough choices. His love isn’t fickle and it isn’t dependent on you being your best self, but He is where you will find the strength, purpose, and security to grow into that version of yourself. You were made for more.