Ask for Help
I hate asking for help.
Shockingly enough, God has put me in several different positions the past few years where I have needed to accept help. Within the past 2 years I have had a concussion, I have had a hand injury, I have had a broken elbow which prevented me from driving for over 3 months, I have had 3 different surgeries - 2 of which were emergency and all of which were major…and that is only to list the physical highlights of times I was dependent upon help. God has a funny way of exposing our idols to us.
Independence can be an idol. It is not a bad thing. We should be responsible for ourselves, and we need to recognize that our problems are not other people’s. However, if you feel an inability to ask for help, independence may be an idol for you.
Asking for help may not always be met with help. That does not mean you were wrong to ask for it. Additionally, someone saying they can’t help should not cause you to shrivel in on yourself - healthy people are capable of being asked and saying no. Someone who is capable of saying no is a green flag because that shows that they are willing to set boundaries when needed.
Your friends love you more than you recognize.
You are not a burden to them for needing help.
You are not only worth loving when you have something to offer.
Relationships cannot be one-sided. If you would want to help your friend in a reversed role, give them the opportunity to help. It isn’t sin to need help. In fact, we are all desperately in need of help. Our own pursuit of independence can at times be a profound barrier between our recognition of just how dependent on God we are.
For my fellow strugglers with asking for help, here are a few of the tips I have learned from needing to ask for and accept so much help recently.
Ask with a willingness to hear no. You don’t need to lead in with an over-excessive apology for asking, but including one statement of “please say no if you can’t” is fine. Recognize internally as well that just because someone says no does not mean they love you any less or would never say yes to helping depending on their own situation.
Distribute asking as best as you can. If you need rides, try to find a system that works for you and for those you are asking. Asking someone to drop you somewhere and someone else to bring you back can just be a simple way to keep the load off of entirely falling to one person.
Express your gratitude. The more you verbalize your gratitude the more you will also internalize it. Don’t do this out of a need to kiss up to or appease the people helping you, just share your genuine gratitude.
Be mindful of what forms of help made the biggest impact on you. This can help for when the roles are reversed in the future your own ability to better help others.
Ask for prayer even when you can’t ask for specific things. Help doesn’t always need to be tangible. The most impactful form of help can truly be prayer. We often minimize it, but prayer is a powerful tool.
You don’t need to have it all together to be loved. There is such intimacy in the friendship that happens in those lowest spots. I remember the friends who helped hold me up getting out of a hospital bed and took those slow crawling laps around with me when I could barely move.
