Hair

I recently dyed my hair back to its natural shade.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE having the blonde highlights in the summer, and they’ll probably return in the future, but it’s been a while since my hair was its natural shade.

I don’t think it was just about having darker hair when I decided to dye it back. It’s been a few years since my hair was just its regular color. It’s been a few years since I was fully just myself I think.

In one sense, the color of my hair isn’t a big deal. However, there’s a reality that over the years I have spent different seasons chasing changing my appearance in a variety of ways. I have longed to be beautiful and desirable and so I have worked to alter my appearance. For me, my return to darker hair had a healing component. I wasn’t anxious that I needed to change something about myself in order to be beautiful. I wanted to be myself, exactly as I am.

The woman I am today doesn’t rest her identity in her looks in the way the girl I used to did.

I don’t want to paint the picture that I am suddenly free from my own insecurities. I will tell you there are still things I struggle deeply with, that I recognize I believe lies around. I don’t always look in the mirror and like what I see.

But I have more good days than I used to.

I have more success battling those lies than I used to.

I have more confidence than I used to.

The way I look is not the most important thing about me. I would rather be known for my heart than my body. I’m working to heal my own relationship with my body and the mirror, because I do believe God gives us our bodies to be faithful. I want to glorify God in how I look in the mirror.