Habits and Habitats
I’ve been really invested in cleaning my apartment recently. It’s been an almost daily undergoing of me pulling open drawers or cabinets and tackling projects I’ve put off for months. I’ve gotten rid of easily 2 trash bags, and the hallway is slowly disappearing in a sea of Goodwill donation boxes.
This isn’t to flex how together I have my life…if anything it’s probably embarrassing how much I have to get rid of, but for years and years and years I’ve heard messages that seem to all be loading now.
Coming from someone who has clung to and coddled sentimentality for years - it’s a gift to get rid of things.
I’m saying this as I very heavily am still growing in it. But I think sometimes that’s the best time to share. Life is real and raw and vulnerable. Nobody really has their stuff all together, and if they say they do they’re lying.
Sure, there can be a healthy perspective when you are able to prioritize in life and therefore feel content with where you are at, but stagnancy is a trap. The rest of my life I am going to be learning new lessons and growing in ones I already know.
In my own process of getting rid of things, I’ve encountered several different messages I send myself that block me from getting rid of things.
Some of the things that I have kept, and even a good chunk of what I still keep, are sentimental. The category that I have the worst time letting go of is likely cards - I will save a scrap of paper if someone I care about wrote on it. And while yes, even that needs to be let go of sometimes, there is a beauty in treasuring people and memories so much.
Some of the things that I have kept have been consequences of living with ADHD. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve accidentally become subscribed to a service I don’t need or want and how much waste that has inevitably produced. For years I’ve lost in the battle of shame regarding that. I’ve felt enslaved to the purchases I didn’t mean to make because I can’t waste it when it’s too late to get that money back. This time around I went on a hunt and started just pulling things out and throwing them out. I’m tired of punishing myself for the way my brain works, especially when I wouldn’t let someone else treat me that way.
Some of the things that I have kept have been from the anxiety “what if I need this?” I’ll be honest I’m still struggling with this one. I don’t want to be wasteful, and so I feel guilty getting rid of things that are useable in my mind - even if I’m not using them.
The reality is, however, your time is your most precious resource. The more you own, the more time is consumed by material objects. In different seasons of life I may have prioritized differently than I do now, and that’s okay, but I am focused now on who I want to be. I feel more secure in who I am now than any previous stage of my life. I feel excited about the changes in my life and the things I am hoping for. I don’t feel terrified of the future and desperate to cling to the things I thought I could control.
The deepest contentment you will ever find will be when you find your security in Christ. When you truly are filled with that peace, it is impossible for it to not overflow into all areas of your life. My progress cleaning has come from the relationship I now have with Christ. I want to steward my life well, and a major part of that is how I spend my time. I want to become all my potential could be that He has planned for me, and so I don’t want to stay stuck in the same ruts I have always been. My desire to grow more like Him has pushed me to let go of the parts of me that have held me back. Pursuing discipline and self-control cause those values to pour out in all areas of my life.
Pursuing Jesus doesn't just mean you sit and read the Bible all day. It flows out of you in all that you do. It’s taking care of your mind, body, and environment. It’s taking responsibility of your life, while recognizing it isn’t yours to spend.
