Let them be

After walking through several challenging situations myself, I’ve landed heavily on the side that you need to let people have their own experiences and make their own decisions on their own timelines.

It isn’t easy to do when you care about someone, however.

I’ve been on both sides of this situation, and I wish I could say that I handled the side of the friend as well as others did for me, but I haven’t always. I think I’ve learned a lot since then as well.

There was a season in my life where a lot of people were being very vocal about their opinions on my decisions. The problem was, they weren’t really seeing me. There was so much more going on in my own life that people were missing, and the criticism I was receiving had a devastating impact on me.

In the midst of that season of life, there were a few friends and individuals who just offered me a space to be myself and make my own choices. They didn’t judge or comment their opinions. They let me spend time with them and just laugh. They listened to me as I shared all the things in my life that I was celebrating at the time.

On the other side of that season, I’ve since asked a few of them how they did it. One of my best friends answered me that she saw everyone else coming down on me and knew I just didn’t need another person saying the same thing. I can’t put into words what that meant to me for her to see me at a time where I felt completely alone.

In all honesty I haven’t always done this well. I’ve far too often gotten too consumed with someone else’s life and tried to intervene because in my mind if they could just see what I see they’d stop.

It doesn’t work.

All that option does is drive you further apart and create resentment. It’s incredibly hard, if not impossible, to recover a relationship when you are that intensely consumed with trying to control someone else’s life - even if your actions are well-intended.

If you love someone, the hardest thing to do can be to let them go through difficult experiences. It’s okay for that to be hard. We weren’t supposed to be a part of a broken world, but we are. We can empathize when we see others going down similar paths we have.

Until you reach a point of peace with God you will continue to struggle with letting go of the people you love’s lives. It is only when you are able to relinquish your own false sense of control that you can find peace. You can learn to let go of that grip when you realize it is already being held by the one who works all things together for our good.

Sometimes loving someone means watching on the sidelines while they make a mess of their life.

Point them to Jesus, but know His pursuit knows no bounds.